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Suha
soulonfiyah
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November 2007
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Suha [userpic]

Livejournal, that is. I got an email from LJ a couple of days ago reminding me that an automatic payment of $21 will be made to renew my account and I was like UHM WHATEVER. It's not the $21 that I care about. It's the fact that I am paying anything just to write down my thoughts? How stupid is that? I have been on this thing for YEARS and I have yet to figure out how to customize anything. I can't put in a music playlist. I can't use the layout I want. Nada. And really I have only lasted this long to keep up with my girls Bec and Bri but I haven't even done that lately either. Soooo....I'm leaving. Not the blog world all together, but the wackness that is LJ.

And like the poser that I am, I decided to follow my girl Lee-Zett's footsteps by opening up a new blog here. Ya better update your bookmarks and I'll see you guys there ;) 

*smooches*

Suha

Current Location: Blogspot state of mind
Currently Listening To: The one playing in the background of my new blog
Suha [userpic]

I never honestly paid attention to that word when it's used in this context. I always assumed there was no cost in protecting family. Just duty. Right? So why am I now paying for protecting my brother? Sure I lied to our mother in the process. Something at first I had reservations about but those reservations quickly dissolved into nothing. I mean..he's my BROTHER. It's OK to lie to the woman that kept me warm in her womb and birthed me...and not to mention raised me...because it's my brother. I told myself that he will get himself out of the mess as long as I give him enough time. And that means buying time and covering for him. Omitting the truth. Lying. Because of course the truth never has a way of coming out if you're doing it for noble reasons. Right. Uhm yeah that's why I woke up for the first time in my entire life with my mother absolutely having no trust in me. There is nothing worse than this feeling. There can't be. How do you ask for forgiveness. I've already made Du'a. And my father called and said that he knows that I was only trying to protect my brother. But I still can't call my mother. Or hear the disappointment and anger in her voice. That slightly husky voice of hers that has suddenly turned into the violent thunderstorms that used to scare me as a lil girl back in Texas. I hate this. I'm just going to go to the Greenflea and pretend this feeling doesn't consume me. And listen to music. Lots of music.

Current Location: ninety sixth & columbus
Current Mood: restlessrestless
Suha [userpic]

  • Actually watch - not just add it to my DVR playlist - this season's Soprano's episodes. I have only had time to watch the first new episode and now I need to watch the other 4. I know I'm lazy and really I will get around to doing just that.
  • Find someone with a van so we can get all this packing and moving business started. *singing* Moving on across.....toooooooo the West Siiiiiiiiiide......finally getting a piece of the intellectual pie */singing*
  • Hmm before I even look for a van I kinda need boxes to put this crap in, right? Now I understand why most Manhattan apartments come fully furnished.
  • Sleep is a wonderful thing. It is OK to actually partake in this activity. The body needs sleep. The body expects sleep. Sleep sleep sleep.

Current Mood: blahblah
Currently Listening To: Godfather Part II
Suha [userpic]

So apparently last week word got out that my neighborhood will no longer be 10021 come summertime. While I think about all the inconvenience this will bring into my life, some of my neighbors bitch and moan about the loss of being a 10021 Resident. You wouldn't believe how irritated they get when they talk about this shit. It's almost amusing to watch! Here I thought it was just another zip code but apparently it's the 90210 of the East Coast. "Everyone knows 10021 is THE zip. My family has been 10021 since the 60's! How can they do this to us? This is discrimination!" And I thought 1st Ave. was far enough from this type of anal behavior! I can't believe these people are so serious about this.

Now I'm starting to think Ziad's idea to not renew the lease in May and relocate to this amazing high rise in Hell's Kitchen isn't so bad after all. 24hr door man AND concierge AND a spa AND Gristede's AND a gym AND 2 exclusive restaraunts IN THE BUILDING. Decisions, decisions ;)

TOMORROW IS GONNA BE IN THE LOW 70'S!! EEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH! WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Current Location: 10021 hehe
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Currently Listening To: Ghostface - Be Easy
Suha [userpic]

*bites lips*

*strokes collarbone*

*crosses leg*

*let out a small whimper*


So I guess I should say that dropping by to "surprise" him at 77th & Madison was a mistake. Esp. since he'll be home in a few hours anyway. Why do I always construct these stupid little plans like I'm soooo cool and soooo immune to IT. Like my plan will only trap one of us and surely it would never be me! Nah. No uh. Noooooooooo sirrrrrrreeeeee!

Got damnit why did I buy him that shit. Now I have to learn how to keep my composure in circumstances I never had trouble containing before. Stupidcosmeticsbitchatlordandtaylor.

*glances at clock*

One hour and fifteen minutes.

Tickkkkkk. Tock.

Current Location: That place
Current Mood: whimper
Currently Listening To: Nets game
Suha [userpic]

Yeah OK so I know you're probably thinking BIG FUCKING DEAl. Well to me it is! This may come as a shock to some of you (*vbg*) but I don't have a common name. I know, I know...someone inform the authorities teehee. No seriously though. My poor name is not even common in the Arab world. So yeah you can only imagine the big goofy look that's been transfixed on my face the minute I got the text from my friend Mia. This was exactly 8 minutes ago and of course I had to tell everrrrrrry one including my LJ pals :) OMG someone loves my name enough to give to their daughter! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And here I was dreading the long trip to Babies R Us....lol.

Current Location: cloud 900
Current Mood: jubilantjubilant
Suha [userpic]

So don't tell me I
Haven't been good to you
So don't tell me I
Haven't been there for you
Just tell me why
Nothing is good enough
 

You know there was once a time when I could listen and sing along to this song like I had Sarah's soul and actually enjoy it. But now this song is just a painful explanation of why my mother and I are not as close as I'd like us to be.  

Two weeks ago my mother was admitted to a San Diego hospital because of heart problems. I do everything in my power to make it all the way to Cali so I can be there for her when she goes in for her cardiac ablation. An impossible feat considering I'm PYG1 and pretty much at the beck and call of very demanding bosses. But still Suha does all she can to be there for her family. 

Going "home" to see my parents in California has always been weird for me. San Diego is home to my parents and brothers but evokes no such attachment to me since it's the town my family moved to after I graduated high school. Leaving me with my aunts and uncles in Texas while they started their new life in Southern Cali. I still couldn't bring myself to live near that town even when I was living in Cali for a few years after my freshman year at UT. Something about that place just doesn't feel like home but whatever. I figured it wasn't the right time to worry about how I would feel like a stranger in my parent's home. And for a while being around my mother was so heavenly and comforting. 

Until, of course, the night before her procedure. She gets me to promise things that I couldn't possibly say no to while she's lying in a hospital bed. Like promising that I'd slow down and take time off to give her grandchildren. How she thinks I owe her at least one grand child that's gonna be the spitting image of me that she can spoil...all the way from Cali no less She says my nephew looks too much like her mother and nothing like her so I had to make it right. Yes yama, inshallah I will slow down and we will have a baby in the near future. Someday.

So do I deserve to get a call from your annoying ass best friend telling me that my "empty promise" is the reason why you're still having problems witth your heart rate and why your anxiety medicine is useless? Telling me that I should have never called you from NY to tell you that it might be another 5 years before I can fulfill your wish. As if I don't get enough bitching and complaining from Ziad about the same exact thing at least once a month. Like he doesn't annoy me enough with his "I know how dude feels" sighs that he gives me everytime Jay's Lost Ones is on the radio or on TV. She doesn't know who I am so she had NO right to tell me all that. I busted my ass in school my entire life so I could get into medical school and become a doctor. None of my brothers have even managed to graduate from college yet but somehow I'm the one that's disappointing my mother because I decided to become a surgeon before I become a mother. Nothing. Is. Ever. Good. Enough.

That's OK, Zenzouna. You're still my lil angel.

Current Mood: crappycrappy
Currently Listening To: Ben Music
Suha [userpic]

Flucking Tmobile. And here I thought they were the one company I would never complain about since they've been pretty good for so many years. A few months ago the hubby decided he has to get a Blackberry like me. Great, no problem. Tmobile has a great rate for monthly Blackberry usage. The only problem is that we added their Hotspot Wifi service for his laptop last year. Since he has a Blackberry now then there will be no need for the Hotspot account. Right so now it's time to cancel that service...easy. NOT. Supposedly he was getting the discounted monthly rate for the wifi service because he agreed to a 2-year term so cancelling wifi service would be going against those terms. So you know that means they have to add those lovely cancellation fees. BLOODY HELL! Of course being the stubborn Scorpio that I am I told them that we would not be paying for the cancellation fees. In fact, we weren't paying for any bill until they removed the Hotspot service and all the other extra fees. Now today I got a courtesy (SNORT) text message from Tmobile telling me they will interrupt my service if I don't make a full payment for the last two months. Lovely. I wanted to call them right when I got the message but I was so mad that I knew for sure they'd cut it off on the spot.

ALLCOMPANIESSUCKASSWITHTHEIRMONEYHUNGRYPOLICIES.

Sing to me Aretha...I need you today.

Current Location: In Blah Blah land
Currently Listening To: Aretha Franklin - Soul Serenade
Suha [userpic]

....so I'm keeping my butt inside of this teensy tiny apartment as a result. Oh well tomorrow should be a BEAUTIFUL chilly and sunny day so I'm looking forward to that.

So I'm seeking an alternative to Road Runner.  I hate their service! Last week I noticed my computer has been going super slow and my connections getting cut off every five minutes. I know it couldn't be my modem because its' brand new. So today they came to check the problem and supposedly the first guy that installed RR didn't install the hardware or software configs correctly the first time around? Uhm ok. So they uninstalled EVERRRRRRRRRRRRYTHING and reinstalled it and it still didn't work. Then they said that I would have to sign up as a "new" account as my old IP could be giving me problems. I have never EVER EVER heard of not bullshit like that. Am I supposed to just buy the crap they were telling me? Honestly I didn't care what lame excuses they were giving me as long as they were going to be able to fix the stupid thing. So far things seem to be going pretty smoothly and I'm crossing my fingers that it'll stay that way. But if anyone has suggestions of a better internet provider in Manhattan then I'm all ears :)

Suha [userpic]

Has Fox News Gone Too Far?

LOL I love how this is reported like no one is privy to FNC's tactics. I hate FNC but seeing other media outlets talking about how immoral this is while they perform the same exact dirty tricks when covering the Middle East is just plain jokes to me.

Mmmhmmm....

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Current Mood: crankycranky
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